I'm Glad I Didn't Tell You
by Petra Megami Assari
Summary: Shonenai. Heero as never told Duo how much the other boy means to him. And he's glad about it, most of the time. So, he keeps up a brave face even as he imagines what might have been but times moves forward... and so do people.
1. Up to It

Petra: I really like how this story turned out. It started off as just a little short but then, after I was finished it didn't feel right, so I kept adding on until... well... I came up with the five part fic you have before you.   
Kati: *smiles proudly* It's beautiful... *sniffle*  
Petra: *laugh*  
  
DEDICATED: For dreams and those who support them  
WARNING: Lil' angst and one-sided shonen-ai  
DISCLAIMER: If I could, I would, but I can't, so I shan't.  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
I'm Glad I Didn't Tell You: Up to It  
  
"But no matter how much you love a caged bird, love to admire its eternal beauty and its indomitable will as it dreams of freedom, if you open the cage, that bird will fly away. It will leave you behind and take off to the sky." -Flamika; Phantom in the Office (GW)  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
I'm glad I didn't tell you. You're happy now; happier than you ever would have been with me. I know it, even if you don't. I'm glad I never told you how much you meant to me; I'm glad I was too scared to act on my emotions. Now I can watch you from afar as you accomplish so much more than you would have if I had held you back. So, here I am, sitting in third row from the last on your right, watching you knowing that you don't see me… and I'm happy. You're accepting your diploma from Harvard University. Harvard University! I'm so happy for you and proud of you. I would have held you back, I know that, so even though this is the first time I've seen you in person in four years, I feel as if I've been with you, helped you, the entire time.  
  
Who am I kidding? I'm glad I didn't tell you but I would give my life if it meant one kiss, one moment, one look of love in your eyes. But still, I'm happy to just be here as one of your dreams comes true… do you know that you fooled me with that mask for so long that I almost let our friendship die before it had even started? Then there was That Night at that school, The Night that my feelings for you really changed. Do you remember? Do you remember what you said?   
  
You told me, seriously and without any humor, one lone night as we were listening to the party going on next door, that what you wanted more than anything else in the world was to go to Harvard. You wanted to have a killer graduation party where you would get so smashed you wouldn't remember what you said or what you did… so smashed your tongue would loosen so that you could finally tell everyone exactly what you thought of them. I was amused and, as always, you seemed to know exactly what I was thinking… and it hurt you. I saw it in the way you suddenly laughed and, your eyes moving away from mine and up toward the ceiling, blinked quickly, the sound coming from your throat a little strained. And I knew then that the laughter hadn't been real most of the time, that that this was your real dream and that I had just laughed in your face about it.   
  
That's when I fell in love with you; I can see you perfectly as if I were there at this moment. I remember exactly how you looked. Your head was thrown back so the column of your throat was bared to my gaze. Your breath heaved up and down in, what I now realize, were suppressed sobs, the tank top baring your arms that were supporting your body, your muscles strained a little bit from the gasping breaths you were turning into laughter. Your legs were splayed out in front of you, smooth and naturally hairless, the shorts riding up high on your thighs. Your hair, unbound for once, fell like a waterfall down your back and pooled on the floor. I'd always thought you were beautiful, but the shock of seeing you like that, trying to keep grief inside, was when I really saw you for the first time... and I fell hard, fast, and like never before.  
  
It took me a long time to get up enough courage to start to treat you like a friend, even longer to get up the courage to tell you that I believed in your dream… and longer still to tell you mine. Not all of it, of course, because all of it would have scared you away. I'll always remember your face that day, that exact moment when I handed you the Harvard application and told you to go for it. Your beautiful violet eyes widened slight, and then you closed your eyes, long lashes brushing against red cheeks as you clutched the application tightly to you chest. The most beautiful smile I had ever seen spread across your face and I saw tears sparkle in the corner of your eyes. The long pants rode a little lower on your hips, giving me a glimpse of your flat, tan stomach. Your long sleeved shirt fell slightly down your arms so I could see the lighter half-inch stretch of skin around your wrist where your watch had been… the watch I gave you.  
  
I put a finger under your chin, lifted up so that you'd look in my eyes and said, "I know you can do it. I'm sorry I laughed at you that one time, I didn't mean to, it wasn't that I didn't believe you could do it, it just surprised me… I always thought you'd draw or something. I mean, you're so good." I paused, smiling slightly and with nervousness; as usual it was lopsided. You once said that you loved the way my smile seemed as if it were about to tip over and, it might interest you to know that, until that moment, I hated the way it looked and afterwards I loved it.   
  
We kept in touch with email after you left and I found that, instead of finding someone else, I fell even more love with you. It was as if you knew exactly what I needed. If I had had an awful day, your emails were always happy and light. If I had just spent the day being stressed, you would relax me. I don't know how you knew, but you did.   
  
So, here I am, watching as you laugh out loud at something a classmate of yours said, your eyes sparkling, and I can't help but smile as I see a real grin light up your face. Afterward, as the people mill about, I walk toward you, watching your hair as it moves as you step aside. Gently, carefully, I put one hand on your waist and, stepping closer all in one smooth movement, whisper, "Congratulations, Duo. I knew you could do it."  
  
"Heero?" you turn around quickly and, as soon as you see me, you throw your arms around me, pulling me close to you. I feel the warmth of your body seep through the robe you're wearing and clutch you a little closer than I normally would, breathing in your scent, the scent of pears. "Heero! God, I didn't know you were coming!" You laugh, tears making your eyes appear brighter, almost luminescent and, for a moment, you look so fey that I'm sure you're something otherworldly.   
  
I laugh, the sound still a little uncomfortable to my ears and reply, "Well, I wanted to surprise you." Gently and hesitantly, because I'm a little scared, I wipe the tear that's managed to escape your eye and was making a slow trail down your cheek. Then, keeping my eyes on your face so that I can see your reaction, I kiss the tear off my finger. Then I smile and I can tell by the way that your eyes light up that you love…. Me? No, the way I smile. You love the way I smile and that's it. I feel my smile tighten as I ask, "So how about that killer party you kept talking about? Sure you can still live up to it?"   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
Petra: Please, please, please, please, please, please tell me what you think.  
Kati: You are so pathetic.  
Petra: Like you're much of a help!  
Kati: *pushes Petra into closet* You just stay in there Pet-chan. *outraged scream comes from cloest* Just review people. *runs away*  
  
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam  
  
~Petra Megami Assari~  
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess* 


	2. Oblivian Claims Me

Petra: Well, here's the next one.  
Kati: Next one!  
Petra: Kati... are you okay?  
Kati: Okay! Okay!  
Petra: Um... sorry but I think her brain is skipping.  
Kati: Skipping! *starts to skip*  
Petra: *looks alarmed* Guys, I'll handle this, you go read...   
Kati: Go read! Go read!  
  
DEDICATED: Because everyone deserves to dream.  
WARNING: Slight angst, drinking, and shojo-ai  
DISCLAIMER: *glare* I will not say it, Sam I am. I will not say I am a ham. I will not say it in a boat. I will not say it in a moat. I will not say it some, I will not say I don't own Gundam. *laughs* Yes, I am insane!  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
I'm Glad I Didn't Tell You: Oblivion Claims Me  
  
"I know it isn't real... But what's so great about reality?" -0083; Dreaming of You (GW)  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
Around five o'clock the next morning we found ourselves staring dumbly around your rented house which, of course, has been totally trashed. Not to mention that we were smashed. I was currently trying to figure out where exactly the stop button was so that I could make the room stop spinning. You were still sprawled out on the floor laughing from the faces people had made when you had told them exactly what you thought of them. After several false attempts to get up off the couch I finally managed to stand, even though I wobbled and almost fell. After much stumbling and thanking the Lord for walls, into which I fell very often, I managed to make my way to you, where I promptly fell to the floor, sprawling out beside you.   
  
The alcohol was making me feel very warm and fuzzy, as though I were wrapped in the fleece blanket that you had sent me for Christmas two years back. We simply lay there like that for the longest time, limbs almost entwined, as I let myself memorize every little thing, from the way you were still laughing slightly, to how your leg felt as you shifted it until it was lying across mine.   
  
"Great party, huh?" you said, with only a slight slur. You always have been the 'party animal' and you knew how to hold your alcohol. That fact that there was a slight slur to your words told me that you must have had quite a lot for you to be even that affected.   
  
I nodded slowly, sure that if I moved too fast my head would fall off my shoulders. I, unlike you, am not use to the dizzying affects of being drunk. You laughed and, with careful movements, moved until you lying on your side, facing me with your head propped up with your hand. "You're totally wasted, aren't you?" Again, I very slowly nodded my head. "Haven't you gotten drunk before?" This time, a careful shake of my head. "Dude, you're going to have such a hangover tomorrow." I let out a small groan and you laughed, only to moan in pain and clutch at your head. "Me too."  
  
For a minute we just lay there, I was staring up at the ceiling, wondering if all ceilings danced, while you just watched me. Then, suddenly, your hand moved and brushed a piece of hair away from my face. I turned to you in shock and surprise, only to stiffen in pain as it felt like a thousand boulders had just been slammed into the back of my head. When I could finally see you, without the bright flashing fireworks, you were looking at me with the most beautiful smile on your face.  
  
"I don't think I could normally tell you this… but just the fact that you probably won't remember anything about this night gives me the strength…" For a long moment, you simply watched me and I stared straight back. "I've loved you for the longest time. I've loved you for so long… but you never seemed to feel the same way. You've always pushed me away and, even though I know it's stupid, I can't stop loving you." You closed your eyes, and I knew that you were trying to draw up strength, I just didn't know for what. "So, I hope you'll forgive me this."   
  
Then, without warning and far too fast for my splitting head, you moved forward and kissed me on the lips. Not a nice little peck, that someone could later call an accident. No, this was a far from innocent as you could get and I found myself responding, drowning with the desire that I had lived with ever since I had learned what desire was. My hands reached up blindly, grasping roughly onto your shoulders and I felt you stiffen, knew that you thought I was going to push you away. You were… are my dream; I would never push you away. I pull you closer so that you lose your balance and fall on top of me as I continue our kiss.   
  
I don't want to ever let go. I want to continue to drown in these feelings. All too soon, though, I can feel myself beginning to become sick as the alcohol on my system finally has nowhere else to go. Quickly, I push you away and run toward the bathroom, a hand clasped over my mouth until I stumble to the toilet, just in time to loose my lunch. When I feel that moving will not result in fainting or vomiting, I stand up to see you standing in the middle of the room, watching me with unreadable eyes.   
  
I let myself fall into your arms as I feel all strength leave me. "Duo…" I whisper, the taste of mint from the toothpaste I had practically poured on my tongue still a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. "I'd forgive you the world but I can't forgive that kiss." I feel you stiffen under me as my eyelids slowly close. "Because there's nothing to forgive. You just made my dream come true." The last thing I remember is the feeling of warm water dropping on my shoulder and your slight body shaking with sobs, before oblivion claims me.   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
Petra: If you haven't noticed yet, all the chapters titles are made from the last words of the chapter. And it's not over, by the by! Still more parts to come!  
Kati: Oh fuck! I have a goddamn killer headache.  
Petra: Who would have known that pink lemonade does this to muses....  
Kati: If you drink that again I'll kill you!  
Petra: What? Oh this... *raises glass*  
Kati: Don't you dare...  
Petra: *drinks* Now, Kati, don't you feel better?  
Kati: Better! Better!  
Petra: That's good, now thanks to...  
Kati: Thanks to! Thanks to!:  
  
KRISNKRISS: Twice in a row? -_-;;; Sorry! I didn't mean to do that! Thank you, and I don't think it was a really good insight, I have a better one, in my opinion, entitled: Hold Me. However, it's not out yet and it's a sequel to Chained to You. That's just what I think...  
DREAM KEEPER: Babe! *sweatdrop* Yeah. I know... I'm such a ditz! The rest of it? Well, here's one part. The next part should, hopefully, be up Thurs. unless the Fates decided to torment me (which they usually do).   
MISSY-T: Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean to repeat it! However, thanks for saying you liked it!  
LARANDA: Ack! *bows* Gomen nasai! Gomen! And thank you for thinking it was beautiful. ^_^ I'm glad that that word can be used with my story!  
  
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam  
  
~Petra Megami Assari~  
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess* 


	3. Dive In

Petra: *face in hands* You guys are going to hate me! I gaurantee it! *sigh* Before you go onward just... promise not to kill me?  
Kati: *laughing* You are SO DEAD!!  
Petra: Oh god...   
Kati: *falls on floor laughing*  
Petra: Go on and read but... don't say I didn't warn you...   
Kati: *crying and gasping for breath, she's laughing so hard*  
Petra: *groan* I am so dead...  
  
DEDICATED: To dreams, and those that do...  
WARNING: Shonen-ai people. It's one-sided but it's there nonetheless.   
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them!  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
I'm Glad I Didn't Tell You: Dive In  
  
"And I ask myself why I even bother, when you're there and I'm here and between us lies a chasm of uncertain chances bridged by nothing except the thought of you and my fear to let go." -Rhysenn; Someday (HP)  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
I open my eyes and you're still standing there, but you're not drunk or hung-over, you're still laughing at what one of your classmates said. I can feel the tears bright in my eyes. The daydream, it had felt so real that for a minute, I was tempted to go over there and just sweep you up in my arms, kissing the living daylights out of you.   
  
I had planned on telling you that I was here, but maybe not… I drift closer to you but make sure that I stay in the shadows, watching you talk to your friends. After a while you've got a small crowd around you and, suddenly, everyone's fists go up in the air as you cry out, "Party!" Within seconds, the room is almost empty and I'm left standing there, my mind caught in the memory of the way you had looked as you'd turn. The image of you, your violet eyes bright from the alcohol you had already consumed, wisps of hair framing your facing, burned onto the back of my eyelids.   
  
I lean against the wall and close my eyes, trying to catch my breath. Four years; for four years I haven't heard your voice or seen your smile. I was surprised at the affect that it had had on me. I realized that I wasn't in control of my feelings yet, not enough to see you. Not yet. I'm stuck though, trapped leaning against this wall. I know that if I don't find you, you will think that I didn't come and that will hurt you. So I'm stuck, trapped between your pain and mine. It doesn't take much thought to realize exactly what I need to do.  
  
With a sigh I push myself off the wall and reach into my pocket, looking down at the paper in my hand, your address scribbled across it in my short, spiky scrawl. It doesn't take me long to find the house that you've been renting; the noise coming from the music and the people are enough. The party is already well underway, despite the fact that the people have only been there for fifteen minutes at the most. You are, as always, in the middle of the fun, dancing in the middle of a large crowd with a drink in your hand.   
  
You look up, laughter sparkling in your eyes, and then see me. "Heero!" you yell, stumbling slightly as you push through the crowd and run toward me. "Heero! You came!" You don't stop, you just run right into my arms and I can't help but feel a little light headed as I breathe in your scent. The feeling of you in my arms is almost more than I can bear and, before I can stop myself, I hug you tighter. You laugh and pull away, despite the reluctance of my arms. "Glad to see that you missed me too." You grab hold of my hand and pull me toward the large crowd of people, saying, "Come have a drink!"   
  
My mind and body rebels at the idea of being around that many people. Don't you understand, Duo? The only person I like being around is you. I can't stand anyone else… you're the only one who's made it past my shell. You're the only one that makes me feel human. These past four years I've felt like a machine, just doing what I was programmed to do but, today, for the first time I feel alive. I let you pull me anyway, into the crowd where I feel like I can't breath but it doesn't matter, because when I'm around you I can never breath properly. I hold my breath, and dive in.   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
Petra: *hiding behind a large barricade of metal* GOMEN NASAI!!!! GOMEN NASAI!!!! *sniffle* Don't kill me...   
Kati: If you kill her, you won't get more... which there is more... ^_^  
Petra: *ducks behind barricade and watches as knife flies overhead* Oh god... *whimpers in terror* I actually wrote this out and was going to end it at the second chapter and... then this came... BLAME IT ON HER!!! *points to Kati*  
Kati: WHAT?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! *dives behind barricade* I'm going to kill you, Petra!  
Petra: Get in line! Actually, an interesting little note, I actually have a hint that the last chapter wasn't what it seemed. If you'll just go back and read the quote, you'll see what I mean.  
Kati: Well... um... though you probably hate us now... thanks to:  
  
KARASUKO: Yeah... um... love 'em... -_-; You're going to murder me, aren't you? But, it was a nice chapter... right? *ducks behind barricade again*  
VIC: *laugh* It happens, puking I mean. Talk about ruining the romance... that was never there to begin with... *sigh* Yeah... um... turns out... *ducks behind barricade yet again*  
LBX: ^_^ Good characterization! Yay for me! Um... but I bet you wish I hadn't posted this chapter, ne? *sighs and ducks*  
DREAM KEEPER: DON'T KILL ME!!! DON'T KILL ME!!! DON'T KILL ME!!! Gawd... if you were going to strangle me before... *shoves Kati in front of her* Take her instead! (Kati: Hey! Bitch! Fight your own battles! *runs away*) Yume-chan... *backing away* Remember if you kill me that you won't get the rest... *screams* DON'T KILL ME!!! *runs away*  
  
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam  
  
~Petra Megami Assari~  
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess* 


	4. As the Sun Sets

Petra: I really like this story. I mean, I'm really proud of myself... especially of this chapter. I love the way it ends and I think I write really great prose in this particular one.  
Kati: *sniffles* Poor Heero-kun! I know how it feels to be in love but not have it returned. *glares at Petra*  
Petra: Hey! You can't blame me for things I have no control over!  
Kati: *haughtily* Can too!  
Petra: *sigh*  
  
DEDICATED: For the dreams that die and have no one to mourn them  
WARNING: Angst. Sorry peeps.   
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gundam Wing, but this is my story...  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._  
  
I'm Glad I Didn't Tell You: As the Sun Sets  
  
"What happens to a dream deferred?   
Does it dry up   
like a raisin in the sun?   
Or fester like a sore--   
And then run?   
Does it stink like rotten meat?   
Or crust and sugar over--   
like a syrupy sweet?   
Maybe it just sags   
like a heavy load.   
Or does it explode?" -Langston Hughes; Harlem  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._  
  
Three days later here I am, once again, standing at an airport watching you about to board a plane. You don't need me anymore, you have your own friends and your own life; your piloting days are behind you and now you're a lawyer who went to the best school in the country. No one needs me. My life was put on hold until you came back but I didn't stop to think that once you stepped away from me you would get your own life. I didn't stop to think because, to me, you are my life. Stupid, really, to think that someone like you would really care for me, that you would put your life on hold for a soldier that's lost in the waves of peace.   
  
I can't help it but the memory of that dream two nights ago flickers through my mind. That night after the party was over and it was just you and I left; you were sprawled on the couch, taking up more space than humanly possibly, and I was slumped in the chair beside it. I must have fallen asleep cause the next thing I knew, I was dreaming. I had had too much to drink, my body not used to the alcohol anymore; the tolerance for alcohol that Dr. J had forced into my systems to make me use to drinking had long since disappeared. You moved closer to me until there was only an armrest in between us and then, suddenly, you'd leaned over and kissed me. It had started out as just a press of lips against lips, but it had soon turned into something more, as your tongue pushed its way past my lips into my mouth. Too soon for me you had pulled back and then, in whispered voice, told me that you'd loved me for the longest time. Then, gently, as though you were afraid to scare me you stood up and took my hand, pulling me up, and tugging me to the bedroom…  
  
I blink and you're laughing with the stewardess. There that dream ends, and here all dreams end. I feel as if I'm drowning in my sorrow and I can't help but want to scream, at anything, at everything, just scream until I can't scream anymore. A hand waving in front of my face makes me blink and I realize that you're standing in front of me smiling. "You alright, 'Ro?" you ask, you're head tilted slightly to the side. No, I'm not alright. You're leaving and you're not coming back, how can I ever be alright? Don't you understand…? I nod as I silently repeat inside my head: I'm glad I didn't tell you, you're free, go and fly, and you'll never have to live with the burden of my feelings.   
  
You look up as your flight is called for the final time and then you turn back to me, smiling a bit sadly as you look at me. "It was great to see you again, Heero. Thank you for coming." I nod and we stand there for an uncomfortable moment until I can't help myself and drag you into a hug. One more touch, one more feeling, please just let me have one more perfect moment before you take everything away from me; all my hopes and dreams, before you kill the humanity inside of me, the humanity that took so much to find.   
  
You stiffen at first, and I fear that I've overstepped some unspoken rule, but before I can pull back your strong, steady arms wrap around me. For a moment that is far too short we hug and then you pull back, my arms unwillingly letting you go. You smile and then take a deep breath before shoving a piece of paper in my hands. "Heero, please don't read that until my plane is gone. I don't want…" You close your eyes as though in pain. "I'm not going to give you my new address or number and I'm going to change my email." I know you can see the hurt in my eyes, but what you're seeing is nothing compared to what I'm feeling inside me. I always thought the phrase 'my heart broke' was stupid and untrue but at that moment I found that it wasn't; I felt my heart shatter, as though someone was squeezing my lungs and heart together, and I heard it too, the sound like that of glass falling onto the ground. "The reasons are in the letter… just… I'm sorry." You dart forward, giving me another hug, and I imagine that you bury your face in my hair before you turn away and, without looking back, walk onto the plane and out of my life, taking everything that's precious to me with you.   
  
Everything between that and the time your plane begins to move is a total blank. I don't remember any feelings, any thoughts; nothing. I said something that night, when I was drunk, I must have. I can't feel a single thing and, even though I know that I'm crying, I can't feel the tears or the paper that is clutched tightly in my hand. I'm glad I didn't tell you because, even if it was inevitable, I'm glad that I got what little time I had with you. I turn away from the view of your plane taking off, clenching my fists, and realize that I'm still holding tightly to the paper. I smooth it out and see my name scrawled across the front of the folded up paper. My finger moves up to one of the corners, ready to unfold it, but I pause. Do I really want to know what you think of my love? My finger pulls away and, after taking a deep breath, I slowly let go, watching as the paper flutters to the floor before I turn away. I look back once before I let myself run; I've been running from my feelings for a long time, this was just a momentary lapse, I'll just take and bury the broken pieces of my heart beneath a hostile exterior again but this time I'll know better. This time, I won't let anyone get through, especially not boys with long golden-brown hair and eyes that remind me of the sky as the sun sets.   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._  
  
IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._  
  
Petra: How'd you like it?  
Kati: Tell us.  
Petra: And no flaming!  
Kati: That's right. Now... Thanks to:  
  
CURIOUSDREAMWEAVER: I really like this story too, one of my favs, to tell the truth. I like how it turned out, though I'll admit that even I'm a little surprised how it gets from point A to point B... or even what point B was.  
PEWP: I'm sorry... but this just isn't a long chapter sort of story. It's not supposed to be long or complicated. The feelings are there, simple, and for everyone to read. Love is an incredibly simple thing, it's us human who complicate things.  
LBx2003: ^_^ Thank you, I was very frightened that I would have an angry mob with forks after me. *laughs* ^_^ Oooo... Gravitation? I've heard that that manga's supposed to be really good. You're going to have to tell me, 'kay? Is it worth buying? ... Though, you know what I've noticed about manga... they're really good but the endings always leave me disappointed. Like, Marmalade Boy, I was going to buy it until the ending. Or Chobits. I don't know.... maybe it's just me.  
TWIGHLIGHT1: I think, that inside Heero-kun would be a very sweet person simply because he doesn't know that he's doing so. Emotionally, he's like a child, and most people do view children as sweet. That's always how I see Heero-kun when I think of him acting emotionally... I go, "How would a child act?" But, of course, sometimes his emotions are clouded by his reason...  
KELP SODA: Yes, ch. 2 was a daydream/wistful thinking on Heero-kun's part. How'd you like this chapter?  
DRAGEN EYES: More... well... it took a while but it's here... and that's all that counts... right?  
  
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam  
  
~Petra Megami Assari~  
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess* 


	5. What She Must Do

Petra: This is reall short.   
Kati: Because there's only so much we can write.   
Petra: At first, I was originally going to have it be Relena who found the note.   
Kati: But... we decided against it. shrug   
Petra: So this can be whoever you want it to be...

DEDICATED: For dreams and those who, unknowingly, help others make them come true.   
WARNING: Angst.   
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gundam Wing.

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

I'm Glad I Didn't Tell You: What She Must Do

"I'm one of those things, / You'll save forever, and never need. / And the least they ever gave you, / Was the most you ever knew. / And I wonder where these dreams go, / When the world gets in your way. / What's the point in all this screaming? / No one's listening anyway." -Goo Goo Dolls; Acoustic #3

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

No one notices the thirteen-year-old girl that stoops down and picks up the note. She unfolds it gently, as though it is the most precious of porcelain, and her eyes quickly flood with tears when she sees what is written:

_Dear Heero, I'm sorry and, even though I don't think you remember, I kissed you that night we got drunk. I almost took advantage of you. I can't put aside my feelings any longer and so I think it's best if we just stop all contact. I love you. You don't know how long I've wanted to pen this. I love you. I love you. I love you. I'll never stop loving you. Yours since then and past now, Duo._

She folds the note back up with the same gentle care and stares at the name scrawled across the front. Heero Yuy. She turns as her mother calls her and, for a moment, she teeters between decisions. She takes a deep breath and stands up, knowing despite her young age, that lives will be forever changed by what she decides. She closes her eyes and replays the memory of the last few moments those boys were together. After only a moment she nods to herself and clutches the note tightly to her chest. She knows what she must do.

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

Petra: See... told you it was short,   
Kati: But don't worry, more to come.   
Petra: In fact, we're fairly close to the end of the story.   
Kati: Don't forget to check out our website.   
Petra: And, for those who have been reading and reviewing, thanks:

ORACALE: Thanks for review! And, here's your update... sigh Yes... I know it's very, very very very very late... Gomen!   
KELP SODA: Yeah... Poor Heero... sigh As to what's in the letter... well... we know now, don't we?   
DRAGEN EYES: ; I feel horrible that I haven't updated in so long. You'll have to excuse me. Life has been... difficult at the best of times lately. Been very stressed beyond all belief. sighs I'm sorry I made you cry, though. I'm even more sorry that I haven't updated sooner!   
BRAIDEDIDIOT: Well... you know what's written in the letter. And the story is continued... though it took a long... long... LONG time to get here. --; Gomen...   
PANTHERS TEAR: Yeah... Duo, a lawyer, ne? That's one of the reasons that it fit so well, because you really couldn't see him being a lawyer. So... shrug I hope you enjoyed the rest of the story!   
PEWP: Longer chapters...? looks up Um... Gomen...

"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam

Petra Megami Assari   
The Gentle Tiger Goddess


	6. One More Perfect Moment

Petra: I know it's taken a long time but hopefull you'll all forgive. big pleading eyes  
Kati: is tan and relaxed We've been busy.  
Petra: glare No, I've been busy and you, my muse, decided to take a vacation.  
Kati: sticks out tongue Still might if you act bratty. 

DEDICATED: For dreams, may they always come true.  
WARNING: Angst.  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own, in any respect, Gundam Wing and the characters found in this delicious anime (Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell). However, this story is mine. So, just ask and I'll let you post.

**_IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ MY MY PROFILE FOR IMPORTANT INFORMATION!_**

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

I'm Glad I Didn't Tell You: One More Perfect Moment

"Love is an attempt to change a piece of a dream world into reality." -Theodor Reik

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

I methodically went through my mail without actually thinking about it. It had been two weeks since… I deliberately switched my thoughts to the bill that I held in my hand, cursing my traitorous mind. I had more than enough money to pay it, what with how I'd been working myself to death for the past two weeks. The numbness had disappeared and I'd felt nothing but pain for the first three days, until I'd managed to get my tratious emotions under control. Now, the wonderful numbness was back, with the help of lots of work and very little sleep.

My fingers froze as I came upon an envelope with no return address, and I couldn't help the flutter of hope that rose with the speed of a viper. However, when I looked at my name it wasn't in his spiky scrawl, it was in the loops of a girl, a young one at that. I almost crumpled the letter up and threw it in the wastebasket but managed to stop myself, ashamed at the loss of control. I wasn't angry at whoever it was but at myself; it was infuriating to learn that, apparently, the emotions weren't as buried as I thought they'd been. I let myself just remember him for a long moment, although I knew I was only drawing down more pain for myself. It was stupid, I told myself, but I couldn't help the way I felt and I certainly wasn't going to deny myself the little memories of happiness that I had, which weren't many and almost all of which concerned him.

I sighed and opened the letter but, as I pulled out the message, another one fell out. My eyes widened as I saw my name scrawled across in the familiar handwriting, which still managed to make my belly curl in on itself. With shaking hands, my mind flashed back to the memory of it falling to the ground and I unfolded the letter that I had unknowingly crinkled in my hands at sight of the note. It was simple: You dropped this. I don't think you meant to, especially since I saw the way you looked at him. Always, Your Guardian Angel.

I stared at the small letter, more of a note really, for a moment before picking up the other paper, the one that had ruined everything. I wanted to tear it but I couldn't help but wonder what the girl had meant. I opened it slowly, afraid of what I would see or perhaps what I wouldn't see, though I blamed it on my shaking hands. I read the letter and felt my eyes getting wide even as they poured tears down my cheeks. I had let him go. I had let him… He had felt the same way… it hadn't been a dream… It hadn't been a dream! It didn't take me long to reach the phone and call Quatre's number. It didn't surprise me to see Trowa with him as he blinked at the video. It also didn't surprise me to see the shock on his face and the way he almost scrambled up while asking what was wrong. I was well aware that, because of a combination of sleepless nights and unending work, I most likely looked like shit.

After I had convinced Quatre to tell me where Duo was at it didn't take me long to get a break from my job and a ticket up there. He was living on one of the colonies, in my rush I don't even remember which one, nor did I care as long I could get up there as fast as possible. Thus is was that not even two days later I was standing in front of your house, staring at your door while trying to make the pain that was clenching inside my stomach go away. Then slowly I knocked on the door and listened to the sound of footsteps as they grew closer. Two steps closer… three steps closer… I felt my heart beat in time with your steps as they grew louder.

I'm still afraid that you will turn me away, my heart so fragile from last time that it wouldn't take much, but your note is clutched tightly in hand and I am ready. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry that I was so scared. Now, it's time for me to tell you something that I should have told you a long time ago. I watch as the door opens, and I watch as you stare at me in shock, dismay and, though you try to hide it, hope. I open my mouth and slowly, I realize that out of many more to come, this is just one more perfect moment.

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

Petra: Don't ask how the girl found his address. It's part of the mystery. Kati: OOooooOOoo.  
Petra: smacks Kati Stop acting silly. Kati: Please note, though, this is THE END! There will be no more.  
Petra: Anyways, thanks to:

ZAKAI: Thanks, though I'm a little sad I made you cry... I didn't think it was that sad... As to the update... ano... ;  
.AT LEAST I KNOW IM A SINNER.: Yeah, I'm really bad at updates. Real life, damn it all to hell, keeps in gettin the way! Thanks, and I'm glad. That's why I write it, so someone can love it.  
DRAGEN EYEZ: Yes, I believe highly in the magic number of thirteen. Actually consider it my magic number. And, yes, I'm depraved. Sorry about the "horribly cliffy"; I mean... REALLY sorry. BIG sweatdrop  
MNLIGHTREQUIEM: nervous laughter At least I didn't wait a year to update, ne? Almost, but not a whole year... I apologize to everyone... sighs  
SHINIGAMI04: Well... I did bring them together, ne? It just took a while. Again... ;  
SIREN LULLABY: Thank you so much. He's supposed to make you feel warm and mushy inside. (I was always of the opinion that he'd be a closet romantic. grin)  
YUMIANGEL: Well, if we're going by when you reviewed, this is "soon". Thank you for reviewing and I hope you enjoyed the ending.

"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear." -Rose Marie Ledam

Petra Megami Assari The Gentle Tiger Goddess


End file.
